Our JJ was and will always be our true angel we miss him so much but here's his story. Joshua was born on 13th April 2002,after being conceived on a second honeymoon(Ten years wed at that point)in a place called Vau Algarve Portugal,where we went for our first honeymoon.This time we had the two kids in tow,his elder brother and sister,who we had planned(if you can call giving birth planned)and we had no idea JJ was about to enter our lives.Anyway that was July of 2001,by sept 2001 the wife Sharon who had been acting strange for a lot of weeks,decided to let me know the great news.I was shocked as she was on the pill,but felt a strange feeling of joy too,so here we go again,the kids will be 6 and 9 when the baby arrives,bit of a gap but hey we need to buy everthing again.So we prepared for this new baby,and that night he was born i never felt so happy,yet i felt as i looked at himfor the first time he was an old soul.Joshua James seemed to look thought us,yet again a big boy 9 pounds 2,again late by a week just like his sister,but he was a joy to us all. As he grew month by month,he grew big and strong,we nicknamed him Tyson,his granny and granddad named him smiler,as he always had a big grin for them.We took him with us for meals out as he was a joy to sit with,not like his brother who you just couldn't get out the door with,Joshua did have his moments(don't they all)but on the whole he was so good.Even the long trip to Edinburgh,by ferry then road,he was no problem,it was a city break for Halloween,and we took him out to the castle(must have bored him he fell asleep),took him out for meals with all of us.He loved the Italian restruant there with the staff dressed as witches and wizards,and he tried to get out of the pram when he saw Batman and Big Bird crossing the bridge there on the way back to the Hotel.By the way he had begun crawling at this point,and had quite a lot of teeth at the front,he seemed to be in a hurry to grow up i felt when i bring back these memories.Anyway we took JJ (as we called him when he was naughty) everywhere we went and we prepared for a great Christmas with everyone excited.He tried to pull the Christmass tree down (which we put up the first day of Dec),pulled out my DVD's,and was a wizard at the commando crawl(where the hell is he now )opening the kitchen cupboard's. Two weeks before Christmass Joshua had a high temperature,i took him to a local hospital,Sharon was worried,the doctor there checked him said not to worry it's not menligists,just a virus,plenty of calpopl don't worry.Five days before Christmas he seemed to be recovering but had stop crawling,just not a happy baby,took him to his own doctor who said he was just weak due to the virus,but if the temperature go's up give him a call.Christmass eve i was to collect Sharon from work,but she phoned and said she would get a bus,later she told me she had a bad feeling something was going to happen.That night i went with friends to see Lord Of The Rings,was back by ten,everbody in bed we began to sort out the presents,had a few drinks and watched the midnight mass.A little while later she told me that something had come into Joshua's room she told it it couldn't have him,she didn't know why she felt or said this at the time. Christmass morning no snow but lots of gifts,Joshua was surprised/happy/upset but what do expect of a 8 month 2 weeks old baby.His god parents and Grandparents payed him a visit.He sat glued to the Wizard Of Oz,played with his toys,and of course his brother and sister made a big fuss of him ,it was wonderful we where all so happy.Boxing day was pretty much the same movies,toys yet more food,and we planed on going up to Sharon's parents in Larne to see his Grandparents the following day there.That night we let Joshua stay up a little late as he was so much fun,and i talked of taking him to Canada in the new year to see his uncle,aunt and cousins there. Friday morning 27TH Dec 2002 we woke to Joshua crying took him out of the cot as we had done so many times before,changed his nappy and i went and got him a fresh bottle.I came back to the room and he was asleep beside his mother,i climbed in the other side,Sharon said he had gone to sleep again after a moan,OK will catch a little shut eye while the other two wake to play with there toys.One hour later i felt my heart sink,what was wrong,they are both asleep,i felt Joshua's head it's cold,i checked his heart i could not hear it.I shot bolt upright THIS JUST COULD NOT BE HAPPENING my mind screamed,but my heart and soul knew.Sharon was awake ,she said it's only a deep sleep.i couldn't get the words out of my mouth,i rushed down stairs to the phone 999.What will i say a voice on the other end broke my line of thought.We tried there and then to revive him at the bottom of the stairs,i can hardly remember Sharon carrying him down But i do remember how surreal it was becoming as i realised he was gone,but yet you hang on to that hope you are wrong,he's just asleep.Later that night At the top of the stairs i heard are two children begin to cried,the ambulance had arrived they took JJ and Sharon away.His godparent who lived next door rushed across to see what was wrong.Again i could hardly talk but got him to take JJ's brother and sister to his home,while i headed down to the hospital in the car(not a wise move).I remember Sharon's screams as if she had been torn apart,as i waked into the hospital,i felt my own life blood fade,my heart rip and my very soul scream WHY!!!not Joshua he's a big bounce boy,why has he been taken. As i said i heard the screams of Sharon as i entered the accident/emergency of the Mater hospital,and made my way in that direction,hoping i would wake from this surreal nightmare.I saw the look on the nurse's faces as i approached them to ask,where is Sharon and Joshua,is he alright,before i could ask a doctor approached me "our you Billy he asked i nodded,i felt lost and tongue tied.He led me into a side room ,sat me down,and uttered the words no parent wants to hear,"sorry but we could not revive your son,and i need to talk to you before you see Joshua and your wife".I couldn't speak i had lost all the power in my legs,arms and my head raced towards nowhere,yet some how i did listen.He told me because Joshua died at home they had to inform our local police station,that this was the law and we may be questioned.But in his eyes our Joshua was a much loved well cared for child,with no sign of harm on his body,so not to worry,i didn't understand this why was he saying this.Then it clicked it had been in the news of late SID's parents being accused of killing there baby's,my god this is beyond surreal,and as i try to cope with this he told me how little bruises would appear on his body,it was all part of the body dieing.My head still spinning,my heart about to implode i was lead to the room where my dear wife and baby sat,alone,afraid and in pain,i looked into Sharon's eyes and the tears exploded. In her arms was Joshua (Tyson)the beautiful wonderful baby we loved so much,he looked so peaceful asleep wrapped in a hospital blanket.Where is his baby grow i thought,when can we take him home,will wake up this is just a nightmare,OH how i wished even now that it was just a bad dream.A nurse entered,just as Sharon had passed Joshua over to me to hold,i looked down and saw his little legs the one's he would not get to walk on.The nurse asked if we wanted tea,and would we like to call someone,but we where froze in some time trap,the world had stopped for us.Somehow we gave her phone numbers for are own parents,she then asked would we like a priest to come,we didn't realise she was from are area and knew are local priest.I was at that time not a religious sort of person,but Sharon was so i agreed to this,and am so grateful to that nurse to this day for all her help.Frather Dan our local priest was first to arrive,he sat with us and said very little just that he would see what he could do for us and our children,that he would call by later.He went straight to are friends/godparents house where our children where,right after talking to us,and the police came in just at this point two women PC's,just as my parents arrived.We where told we could wait till later and report to the police station later to be questioned or now,we where shocked,but so numb we agreed to talking to them then and there.I can't recall all we where asked,but drugs,drink, and rolling on top of Joshua where in there somewhere,i also had to hand over the keys to the house or go with them so they could enter.They took our bed covers and Joshua's cot's bed covers etc,and searched the house i believe from what my friends said months later,they where shocked too. After Sharon's parents arrived a police officer was put on guard at the room we where in,they couldn't believe what was happening,we just didn't have any more feelings to hurt by this point.The nurse who had been in and out at this point got a mosse's basket to put Joshua in.She explained how he was about to be taken to the morgue,that we need to go home to the children,and organise a funeral director as soon as we could,that they where waiting to move Joshua now.So we kissed his forehead and left the room,i happened to look round the corner,as Sharon and her parents headed for the door,and i saw an old friend.He was a funeral director,he was here to move Joshua to the morgue,he didn't know till he saw me it was our child.Somehow i felt less afraid,and i asked Chris,would he arrange the funeral,he told me he wasn't supposed to get involved i the hospital with clients,but he would call by later and if i still felt that way he would do it all.Well he did do it all ,and again i am forever in his debt,he explained every thing to us,how Joshua would not have his autopsy till Sunday(this was Friday) and that with the new year in only a few days ,it might be the 2ND Jan 2008 before we could lay JJ to rest. When we got home i had the task of breaking the news to our 6 year old Daughter and 9 year old son,that there baby brother was gone,and we would be having to say are goodbyes.My heart broke yet again,we all cried,we put them to bed,that sat 28th seemed like time stood still.Our friends/Godparents from next door came over took the kids to there's while we sat shocked/lost,they played with there kids and where fed.Sharon's sisters came to help,neighbours came over to offer there help and seemed truly shocked.Sunday we gave Chris a outfit for Joshua,he would call us when/if he got news to collect JJ,we where visited by Sharon's mum and dad,also the two police PCs arrived.They wanted me to sign over Joshua's brain,already in shock i couldn't believe what thy had just asked,they then informed me if i wasn't willing to agree they could hold his body for a longer period of time.I snapped do what you want but we want all of him back ,so now get out of my house,they left,Sharon her mum and dad could not believe what had just happened.But within an hour they returned to tell me the post mortom was over and his body would be released,that there would be no charges,and they offered there sincere apologies.That night we got to see Joshua at the funeral palour and we asked have him home as soon as Chris could arrange it.That night Sharon told me how on that morning he died she heard a voice say "let him go" and felt somthing in the air around him ,just before she ran down the stairs with him. Monday morning his little white coffin was brought to his home,we put it up in his cot with his moblie in place and his Ted's round him,he looked so peacefull and beautiful in his dungarees and checked shirt,just asleep never to wake.We where surprised by how many locals called in,to see us and Joshua who they hardly mew,and the amount of cards,and even food parcels left at the door.We of course had switched off all our Christmas lights and taken down the tree and other decorations.Our tree in the front garden had lights on it but would not be lite till next Christmas,thou this was not even in our thoughts at this time.But our end of the street as word spread that Monday night right thought till next year,they all turned off there lights too,we only found out later that this had happened as we where lost in a world of pain and grief.But our priest and Chris where at our door each day also,and they and all those who called have no idea how grateful we our for there support,My brother called over from Canada,and helped me carry his little coffin,we put Skully from Monsters Imc in his coffin plus a Man Utd baby top.Joshua seem to love football as he had watched the world cup earlier that year glued to the box,till half time then he got annoyed by the reporters coming on.Skully was his sisters but he used to grab it so she wanted him to have it,she and her brother carry a rose each for JJ.The service was wonderful and Fr Dan told the kids during the service this story.There was once a grub living in a pond with all the other grubs,one day it crawled up a water weed and broke through,it became a dragonfly and thou his friends and family could not see him he could watch over them,till one day they would join him.This is like your baby brother Joshua he now has his wings and will watch over you and your mum and dad,he has simply fallen asleep and woke up in heaven as an angel We sad more goodbyes at the graveyard as the little white box was lowered into the ground that wet wed 2Nd 2008, we still VISTA that grave once a week all these years later and still love our wee man Joshua our angelheart. March 2006 we took part in a short documentary about SIDs for the FSID,which was screened later that year on UTV Home Series,we had been asked by are befrienders,as at that point we where the only one's they knew of who had recently suffered a loss.We whee not coaked in anyway,and felt it was a way of sayingthanks to those who did help,and for maybe help others understand what SIDs parents go thought. This like the documentary is decated to our Joshua James (JJ)and of course all those angels. We know they all watch over us till we meet on the other side,LOVE NEVER DIES. Still We Love You Our CandleBright